Jealousy and Mistrust….

two very destructive emotions. When you have these issues in a relationship…you need healing. There can be unconditional love. There can be passion and friendship, but if, and whenever jealousy and mistrust come into play all the good feelings can come tumbling down. He’s working on it, but this is going to be a roadblock that we come up against once in a while, namely if I am in contact with any of my male friends pre-history romance male friends or not. I have been honest with him about my past and I have no problem telling him who, what, when and where. But I think since I divulged all of that early in the relationship, it made him eerie about me. And this is the worst because I have been breaking my neck to prove to him that I am faithful. That I am not going anywhere and that I am trying to make this work. He knows it’s not fair that I can give him my trust, but that he can’t return the favor. He’s working on it. For now all I can do is show myself faithful. But I am also not going to let anybody make me feel that I am not worthy of their trust. I don’t want to give up on our love, because I know he loves me much more than I could know and vice versa, but if we can’t work through his constant accusations and lack of trust then I don’t know how we can ever have a healthy relationship. It used to be that whenever things got rough in my relationships I could retreat to my own little corner and just run away from the problem. Sure we might talk it over and analyze it, but many times it would lead to an easily arrived at compromise, more likely than not in my favor. This is different. This takes work. Anything worth having is worth working for. I just hope that when all is said and done, I am not the one who gets bitten in the butt.

still dreaming…