Where Were You When I Needed You?

I’m listening to Superwoman by Stevie Wonder, bka My Musical Daddy. I am in love with everything about this song. The lyrics, the melody, the phrasing, riffs, composition…everything. This song, like most of his brilliant songs, tells a story; like Peter and the Wolf. The first half starts out with strong syncopated rhythms and his vocal performance him stubborn and self assured (as Taurus is known to be “…boss the bull around”). He’s confident in his over righteous assumption that it is her loss and his gain because he knows that the reason they didn’t work, was simply because she tried to, in today’s terms, “do too much”.

The second half of the piece slows into soaring and melancholy work on the Moog. His voice becomes softer, unsure, and soaked with tears as he laments that he needs her in all seasons and she’s not around. Probably tired of his brash stubbornness and bold missteps, as he was tired of her attempts to mold him into the man she wanted him to be. They parted ways, but he comes to the realization that HE may have been the one to drive her away because he wanted it his way or no way at all. They do a back and forth as they continue to realize that although things may go well for a moment in time (“…Spring will fill the air, and you will come around”) it will be more of the same in a never ending cycle of kiss and make up, (“…but tomorrow will reflect love’s past”) because as much as they love each other, they are not compatible as lovers. (…”but is it summer love that will let me down? Where were you when I needed you, last winter?”)

All the beauty and pain present in a torrid love affair when the two parties dance back and forth, in and out of commitment, compromise, and communication. This song has gotten me through in times when I felt that I could never have the love that I wanted with a person with whom I truly felt in sync. Through the many crushing discoveries and ordeals, every time the cycle was repeated, I came to the realization, much like my musical daddy, that even though I would miss them, and the way we bonded, talked, and felt around each other, I deserved a love that was sure. I deserved a love that did not use me as a placeholder, or could go long periods of time without checking in with me, no matter how busy. I deserve a love that isn’t conditional. A love that bears it out, even to the edge of doom; one that is there when I need it, last winter, this spring, summer, and fall, then back again. Once I realized this, I closed up those wounds of people pleasing, abandonment, distrust, and trauma and found solace in my singleness and celibacy.

Do I want a romantic relationship? Absolutely. But, my requirements have changed. Old keys don’t open new doors, and previous access to me is now denied. I am honoring, trusting, and daily walking with Christ. Following His Will for my life and trusting Him has given me the greatest peace I have known in 40 years (that’s all my life for those counting lol). Certain things and people that were appealing to me, aren’t in the same way anymore. I want a man that honors Christ, and let’s Him lead his life in such a way that he will only see me because his heart is steeped in God’s Will and Way. That is my first and main requirement because if that is fulfilled everything else is easier from there. Not to say this person has to be perfect, because we all fall short, but as long as he trusts and knows God’s character and knows and believes all of His Word to be right and true; First level of access granted!

I’m a retired Superwoman. I gave the mantle away. I’m happy and content just being one of God’s favorite and watching my own faith, conviction, and love for myself and my neighbor unfold into my Kingdom Purpose. The love that is for me will come in God’s perfect timing.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.