two totally different personality dynamics. I know some of you may be saying, look, that zodiac ish don’t matter, a person is a person no matter when they were born. But I believe the time and day you were born absolutely does have an impact on a person’s characteristics. Anyone who has read a true up to the date zodiac book that describes in great length the characteristics of a person who was born on a certain day will most definitely agree with what the book says. A good one is the Stars and Numbers Birthday book which has the characteristics for every birthday, every day, every month. Now I know my entry title could backfire. I hope it does, I hope Virgos and Leos in a romantic relationship can see eye to eye and get past their issues to go on and have a happy life. But this Virgo, dating a Leo is constantly being rubbed the wrong way. Things will be going well, we’ll both be at peace and loving each other. This Leo is very affectionate, passionate, and gracious in loving me. Then turns around and quick and prone to anger, jealousy, accusations, questioning, and making straight out of the horse’s ass remarks that just make you want to knock out each and every one of his big white teeth. Now I like sweet and sour candy, but I prefer not to have that kind of a romance. I know I can be a bit contrary but my intentions are for nothing but honesty. I know I can be a bit private, but its sometimes difficult for me to express how I feel about something, or someone without making sure its presented in the most beautiful manner. I guess you could say I am cursed with the spoon full of sugar syndrome. But that spoon full of sugar will help you get a lot of places in life where as straight no chaser can sometimes leave you on your ass. (ooh that’s a good one, remember that one for me ya’ll) He is not humble when it comes to love or me. its as if he always has something to prove most of all that he isn’t naive or stupid. A lot of times him trying to prove that puts me in a position where I’m told what I do, instead of him believing that I don’t. I no longer have the time or strength for lies in a relationship and when you really love someone, you aren’t going to lie to them because you don’t want to hurt them. He says that he thinks I say the things I want him to hear and not what I want to say. If that were true, I am wasting my time. If I were treating this relationship as if it didn’t matter and I didn’t intend on being with him in the long run, then trust me I would not put up with half the shit he says. Okay, Im almost done venting. I’d like to say that things thus far have been going alright for me transportation and financial wise. But a lot of things have come up that seem to just add to the things I am already trying to sift through. In addition to being made to feel that I may have to chose over family and friends to keep someone’s love (something I never thought I’d allow myself to even ponder) I just started another video store job to make some extra ends for the holidays. I don’t wanna work it, but today is only my first day so we’ll see how it goes. They dress professional on Fridays and saturdays and business casual on weekdays. I have no problem with that really although I am a t-shirt and jeans kinda gal. However, if I had the clothes to maintain the proper look, I would scoff at the dress code. But, I barely have enough threads as it is, so I’m scared I am going to be looking like a damn bum at work trying to be dressy at a video store job. I don’t even have to dress up at my primary gig (although it is industrial) but still. crazy. Also on a good note, I talked with my brother about giving up the other room and finally giving Anisha and I the opportunity to have our own room. That was met with a little resistance on his part, but i think he understands what the deal is. she’s 13, I’m 25, it’s my apartment, we are two ladies who need our own digs. I’m being sued by at and t for a cell phone bill from 2003. I need to pay 2200 in tuition out of pocket. I am about to have my medical coverage yanked. And I will experience a raise in rent before the new year. Money is getting tighter, and all the things I want to do are always eighty-sixed by the things I NEED to get done. (and just think, I was about to have a baby, Lord, you know…) Anyway, I think that all this means is that it’s time for me to take a step back and look at myself and see if this relationship isn’t helping or hurting the person I am. I think I am going to step out of the eager to please mode and the abandoning my family for the sake of freedom and see where it leads me. I think he has been taking advantage of my need to not be hurt and be loved and not leave. He may not be doing it intentionally, but I think he knows that if he had gotten with that wholesome innocent girl that he originally thought I was, there is no way that I would stand for half of the things he says. There is no way he would say those things. Well now that I’ve taken up about half a page or more (very theraputic) I know what I have to do. In the end, my family does come first, my friends are important to me because they understand me, they were there holding it down for me before any man ever came into the picture. If he’s too jealous and too worried about that and wants to, and I quote “settle down and find himself a nice church girl who has no kids and nothing holding her down” then if God wants that to happen for him, maybe it’s for the best. It might just be time for me to focus on getting my life together and my heart before I embark on another long term relationship. I don’t want to end up alone, but i think as long as I accomplish all that I set out to do, I would be okay with that. I love myself enough to know that I don’t need any man to make me feel whole. All i need is love from people who trust and love me back even in all my faults. I do love this man and I want to see things work for us. It will hurt like hell if things don’t work I ain’t gone lie, I’ll be crying for years about it. But the important thing is that I won’t be afraid to let go if I know we are not going to be happy.
done rambling…anyone got some cupcakes? I’m in need of chocolate. my cell phone has been cut off temporarily. it’ll be back on by friday if not today. ciao
Taller Than Ur Average™ 