R.I.P. Mama 11/7/60-1/27/04

It took seven months. In
June of 2003, I was a senior in college, about to graduate in another
semester, finally knew where I was headed. In June of 2003, I got a
phone call from my mother, hysterical telling me that they found a
cancerous lump in her neck. IT was surreal for me. All at once I begin
to think the worst. “what’s going to happen if she dies?” “How will I
handle taking care of my siblings?” “I don’t think I CAN handle it.”
The next couple of months was hell. A three hour commute every other
weekend from school to home, trying to figure out if I should leave
school in my last year or stay. Being mad at the family for not making
matters any easier. Finally I decided, school will always be here, and
my mama might not be. So I left. I came home and for four months, I
watched the strongest woman I ever knew deteriorate before my eyes. I
was her nurse, her companion, her baby. She was so happy that I was by
her side from every radiation treatment to every emergency room eight
hour wait. I watched her go through terrible pain and ups and downs for
the remaining four months of her life. I stuck by her and held it down
until she couldn’t walk and was in a wheel chair and an oxygen tank.
When other grown folks in the family couldn’t stand to see her like
that, I was there, cuz she couldn’t be alone. The night before she went
she wasn’t herself. I knew God was ready to call her home. I told my
mama I loved her and told her I would bring the kids up to visit
tomorrow. Something in my heart told me though that she wouldn’t be
there. I cried in the car in the hospital parking lot that night like
somebody beat me, asking God to take me instead of her. I drove home
dejected and slept, wide awake. At 3 a.m. a banging on the front door
confirmed what I already knew happened. I felt it in my spirit. When I
arrived at the hospital and saw her lying there, looking most peaceful,
not connected to any tubes, or blood bags, or having on any masks, I
knew she was finally at peace. I couldn’t cry at the time. I was
thanking God that my mother, after 43 years of struggle and one year of
struggle and physical pain from cancer, he didnt let her suffer
anymore. I love you mama, and miss you so much, and now that you are in
heaven, I know you can watch over us, we have been blessed thus far. I
am thankful for all my friends and family who supported me and sent
kind words, the grief is still fresh even after a year, but I’m going
on to make my mother proud.

Thanks,
Leia